Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
