Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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