Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
