I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
