Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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