I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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