Im at strip club and am horny
if you like me you must not know who I am
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
