It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
