What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your cock deserves a montage
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
