ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
