I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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