We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
