who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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