You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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