I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
