You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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