Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
