I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
