Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
