If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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