So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
