Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
