Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
