We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
