I think I am morally bankrupt
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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