Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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