I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
