Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
