I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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