YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
only you would photoshop your dick
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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