my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
