if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
