when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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