It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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