In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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