he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
BRING THE BAGELS
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
