I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
