T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
