Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so let's talk penis.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
