Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
