a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The air taste purple.
Randomize
