the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
