i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
