Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
