Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
