Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
