Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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