wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
