I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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