Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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